The Destructive Power of Toxic Relationships
Positive relationships are integral to our mental health, physical health, and emotional well-being. A positive relationship is between any two people who share love, support, and encouragement both practically and emotionally. However, negative relationships can be more detrimental to our well-being than unity.
How can we identify negative relationships?
The Gottman Institute identified ‘The Four Horsemen’ as negative relationship indicators. These are communication styles that psychologists use to describe relationships that are likely to end badly. They include:
Recognising the effects negativity can have on us
Negative relationships can have a lasting impact on our health and well-being. When these relationships persist for a long time, they become chronic stressors that affect us in all areas of life. This is why it’s important to address negative relationships and work towards resolving them.
Studies have shown that long-lasting conflicts can significantly affect a person’s cardiovascular health.
Negative relationships can have negative effects on health. People who are in bad relationships tend to have more health problems and lower self-rated health than those in good relationships.
Stress can harm the brain, thyroid, and immune system, and cause weight issues if it lasts for a long time.
Being in a negative relationship can harm a person’s self-esteem and confidence. This can lead to self-doubt, helplessness, fear, anxiety, depression, paranoia, and reduced motivation and productivity at work.
Negative feelings are stronger when the person involved holds a position of power or is a significant other.
In such situations, professional intervention becomes necessary to address the particularly pronounced negative impacts on your mental and physical well-being.
Fixing toxic relationships
Through effective conflict resolution, some negative relationships may have the hope of developing more positively. Just because there is conflict, does not necessarily mean the relationship should end. In some relationships, one person might be dissatisfied, while the other is completely unaware of an issue.
Addressing this situation means conflict but may lead to positive outcomes. Sometimes silence can be destructive and arguing can be productive. Referring to the antidotes of The Four Horsemen can help in tackling some key characteristics of negative communication styles.
Some individuals are resistant towards couples counselling because of the stigma associated with it. Common beliefs include that if you require couple counselling, you’re not strong enough to work through things together or that you have failed.
Many individuals avoid seeking counselling because of fear of confronting their problems. Some people may not seek help because they feel unsure of what to expect and overwhelmed about discussing their issues with a stranger.
Nevertheless, couples who have managed to overcome these initial hurdles and have received counselling have experienced successful outcomes. Counselling is a safe space where people can discuss their problems and find solutions to overcome them.
Working with a trained professional can help individuals better understand and manage their emotions, behaviours, and thought patterns.
These are some benefits of seeking additional support for communication:
it can improve your ability to negotiate
understand each other’s expectations
It can also strengthen your relationships and bonds
When you should end negative relationships
To end negative relationships, first recognise the signs and commit to change. Acceptance is key. Try your best not to let cognitive dissonance overcome your desire to change or end these negative relationships.
Expect to receive kindness, love, affection, and respect in your relationships, and do not tolerate emotional or physical abuse. End a relationship if someone is disloyal to you or has negative effects on your mental health.
Relationships can teach us about our own desires, boundaries, and what we want in future relationships. This is one of their main purposes.
When you’re feeling stressed, using relaxation techniques can be helpful. Focus on maintaining the relationships that make you happy can enhance your well-being.
Prioritise yourself and your needs when thinking about the status of your relationships. Clear boundaries and expectations are important in any relationship, whether you want to make it better or end it. Setting and enforcing these boundaries can help you maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Using positive affirmations can help you overcome negative thoughts and achieve your relationship goals, along with setting healthy boundaries. By focusing on positive thoughts and outcomes, you can challenge negative thought patterns and cultivate a more positive mindset. This can, in turn, lead to more successful and fulfilling relationships.
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