How to tell if you are being Manipulated
What is the definition of manipulation?
Manipulation is when someone tries to control or influence others dishonestly or unfairly. Manipulators use tactics to gain power and get others to meet their needs. They don’t make straightforward requests, but instead try to create an unequal distribution of power.
Manipulators use guilt, comparisons, denial, judgment, lies, blame, complaints, mind games, gaslighting, or pretending ignorance or innocence. These methods give the manipulator an unfair advantage. The manipulator can then take advantage of or control their victims for their benefit. This often comes at the expense of the victims.
If someone has ever tried to control your thoughts or actions, they may have manipulated you. Recognising signs of manipulation can help you identify such situations and protect yourself from them.
Signs of Manipulation
Manipulation is a complex phenomenon that can have both positive and negative aspects. Sometimes, people use influence to achieve certain results. When someone wants to convince another person to do something, they may use different tactics.
Manipulation can have both positive and negative effects on individuals.
If a person is being manipulated, they might start to question their own emotions, ideas, and convictions. This can lead to a loss of self-confidence and can make it difficult for them to make important decisions. Manipulation can be harmful when someone is forced to do something that goes against their best interests or makes them feel uncomfortable.
Overall, while manipulation can be a useful tool in certain situations, it is important to be aware of the potential risks and to take steps to protect oneself from harmful forms of manipulation.
The first question you must ask yourself when trying to spot signs of manipulation is…
Is this person making me feel or do something I don’t want to feel/do? Am I feeling/doing it out of fear, guilt or a sense of obligation?
Manipulators will often use techniques such as…
Using your insecurities against you (through judgment or comparison)
Exploiting your weaknesses or fear
Convincing you to give up something that you value or that is a priority for you
Take you out of your comfort zone
Lie, distort, withhold facts
Blame others
Use language of generalisation or exaggeration
Gaslighting i.e. Making you question yourself, reality, thoughts or memories
Repetition of the manipulative behaviour
How to Escape Manipulation
Identifying manipulation goes a long way to escaping it.
If you’re experiencing doubts about the health of your relationship, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. A psychologist or counsellor can help you identify warning signs and establish healthy boundaries in your relationships.
Alternatively, talking to a trusted friend or family member can also help gain perspective on your situation. They can support you emotionally and help you recognise harmful or abusive behaviour patterns in your partner.
If you’re in immediate danger or need help, you can call the 1800 RESPECT hotline to get immediate support and guidance. This free, confidential service offers 24/7 counselling and advice to those impacted by domestic violence, abuse, or sexual assault.
Some tips to help you escape manipulation include…
Spend time developing your self-confidence and identifying your values, priorities, needs and wants
Set clear boundaries to protect yourself from manipulative behaviour, as manipulators often struggle with boundaries themselves.
Take time to reflect before responding – Don’t commit or respond straight away. Listen and observe then pause… Think and reflect before you respond the way the manipulator wants you to.
Do I want to do this? Am I being influenced by fear, obligation or guilt? Is this my responsibility?
Tell the manipulator that their behaviour is not appropriate and how it makes you feel
Try not to take on other people’s feelings and emotions, you are not responsible for them
Try not to take manipulative behaviour personally
Communicate in clear and direct ways
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